Fathers, Discipline Your Children



Fathers,

It does not matter if you are married or divorced, if you live with your children or only see them periodically.  If you have children, then you are a father.  And if you are a father you have a calling from God.

Ephesians 6:4 is a clear, if brief, exhortation for us all when it comes to being a dad: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

Perhaps some of our difficulty with fatherhood has come from a confusion over what it means to "discipline" your children.  We tend to use that term as a synonym for "punishment".  We believe that it is a father's duty to punish when wrongs are done.  Don't spare the rod.

Yet this seems to fly right in the face of what Paul is saying to the Ephesian fathers.  "Don't provoke your children to anger."  A father who is all punishment and rules is certainly going to provoke anger in his offspring.

Rather, "discipline" could be better understood as "training".  Fathers are not called to punish their children into submission.  They are, however, to train them to be godly adults.  And training is hard work.

Discipline is not reactive (like punishment), but proactive (like training for a race).  And it can begin by simply setting a good example.  Do you want disciplined children?  Then lead a disciplined life. Practice confessing your own failures to your children, and asking their forgiveness so that they will be ready to do the same when they have sinned against you.

Work hard, but also rest and play.  If you are married be intentional about spending time with your wife as well as your children.  If they see you rising to work even when you don't want to, if they see you treating their mother with respect, if they see you turning off the TV to talk or play with them, they will learn from that.

Yet that is only part of discipline.  Training also involves leading your children into positive behaviors.  Help them to develop good habits.  Show them what to do, then help them to do it.

The habit of Worship serves as a good example.  It is the "discipline and instruction of the Lord" that we are after here.

Children do not always want to go to worship, but if you begin at a young age and especially if you are sitting next to them during the service, they are far more likely to continue going as they get older and move out on their own.

And use that time to teach.  Please do not answer questions from kids about the worship service by saying, "That is just the way we do it."
     Son or Daughter: "Daddy, why do we go to church on Sunday?"
     Dad: "I don't know.  That is just the way we do it."

Could you imagine your child asking you why pitchers throw so many strange pitches with different grips and speeds and you reply, "Well, that is just the way they do it?"  Of course not.  You would tell the inquisitive child that they vary pitches to throw off the hitters, to get strikes, and to win ball games.  There is a good reason (and skill) behind those quirky pitches.

Exactly what you tell them in response to their questions about worship will depend upon the degree of your knowledge, but if you don't know the answer, ask your pastor, or look it up.  (There is always Google.)  It is important that theological questions receive theological answers.

I have written about this before, but one thing I have never forgotten is the day I asked my mother when we could stop going to church.  She replied, "When God stops loving us."  It was not a complicated response, just right for my 5-year-old mind.  Nor was she a trained theologian.

Children need Jesus, just like adults do.  And to bring them up in the "discipline and instruction of the Lord" necessitates that they be brought into the weekly worship of the Church.  There they receive the gifts of God: Word and Sacrament.  It is an essential part of their training for a life lived in the name of Jesus.

Training involves Law and Gospel.  It means punishment when rules are broken.  It also means forgiveness and reconciliation.  It means that God's commands and promises should be a part of your daily conversations with your children.  Cracking open your Small Catechism each day wouldn't hurt either.

We could run the gamut with different scenarios, different techniques and methods.  The bottom line is this: they are your children.  If you are not going to train them, then who will?

Fathers, train your children to be godly adults, loving spouses, disciplined parents, and honest citizens.  It is not easy.  It is man's work.  It is your calling from God.          

[This is the third in a series.  You can find part ONE here.  Part TWO is here.]  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reflections on the Fall of a Pastor

Image
Tullian Tchividjian, the well known pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church, has resigned his position.  According to his own statement both he and his wife committed adultery.  This disqualifies him from the pastoral office.  He has willingly acknowledged his affair and peacefully stepped aside. It is a sad day when a pastor must resign his call for any reason, but especially for living an immoral life.  Tchividjian's case gives a great deal of pause for Lutherans in particular since he was highly influenced by Luther's writings and those of contemporary Lutheran scholars such as Robert Kolb.  Tullian, in recent years, has sought to clarify the proper distinction of Law and Gospel in his own preaching as well as to spread that teaching to a wider audience. As Lutherans we have a high view of God's Word in general and of the Gospel in particular.  When a Lutheran pastor falls into temptation does he really need to resign?  Can he not simply be forgiven and reinstate
Read more

One Thing Ken Ham Didn't Say, but Should Have

Tonight came the debate between Ken Ham (creationist) and Bill Nye (evolutionist).  All things considered I thought it was a good debate, a debate from which the people who plan out presidential debates could learn a great many things. There was one point toward the end where the moderator, who also did a fine job of remaining neutral, asked the two men questions gathered from the audience.  One question in particular caught my attention.  It was directed at Ken Ham. He was asked if there were any evidence that could be given that would convince him that the Biblical account of creation was false.  I do not recall his exact answer, but effectively he said "no".  No evidence could shake him in his conviction that God created the world in 6 days. As a Christian, as a 6-day creationist, I was disappointed in this.  Mr Ham did not have the questions beforehand.  He did not have the advantage of hindsight (which I have now).  So I don't want to be too hard on him.  But t
Read more

Why the Resurrection is the Only Answer that Matters

There seem to be some people who are confused as to why the resurrection of Jesus can make or break the argument for a young earth.  On the surface this is not obvious. Why do Christians care how many days it took to create the earth?  I don't.  It could have taken God half a second.  I could have taken Him 40 trillion years.  Why do Christians (myself included) put stock in the fact that Genesis 1 states that it took 6 days? Because Jesus Christ says that the Law and the Prophets (Genesis included) point to Him.  He endorses the Old Testament on several occasions, including a quote of Genesis 2 when discussing marriage and divorce. Because Jesus Christ rose from the dead, a clear indication that the claims He made about Himself were true, including His endorsements of the Old Testament.  Jesus rose from the dead showing His followers that He really was the Son of God. If Jesus did not rise from the dead we are, as Paul says, to be pitied above all people.  The resurrection
Read more